Dear Hope: What is EMDR Grief Therapy? Will it Help Me?

Dear Hope, my best friend died suddenly. It was (and is) awful. People keep telling me about EMDR therapy. Will it actually help me, or is it just another thing people say when they don’t know what else to do?

You’re standing in the wreckage of something that shattered your world entirely, and your body hasn’t gotten the memo that it’s over. Grief isn’t just sorrow and pain…it’s a body that keeps reliving the moment injustice made itself real.

For many, sudden or violent death doesn’t just break the heart; it rewires the nervous system. Flashbacks, panic, intrusive images, this is trauma wearing grief’s clothes.

What is EMDR Therapy for Grief?

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) isn’t a flashy fix. It’s an evidence-based therapy that helps the brain reprocess distressing memories so they lose their sharp, body-gripping edge. So that you can move forward, without forgetting your person. 

A review of randomized controlled trials found EMDR can rapidly reduce the emotional intensity and vividness of traumatic memories often as effective, and sometimes faster, than trauma-focused CBT.

When grief is tangled with trauma, when one horrific image won’t let you go, EMDR is a tool that may help. Research comparing EMDR with integrated CBT in cases of complicated or traumatic bereavement found both reduced grief and PTSD symptoms. EMDR was particularly effective for memories tied to a specific traumatic moment.

How EMDR Works With Grief

Clinical guidelines have adapted EMDR’s eight phases to grief therapy. The goal isn’t to erase your loved one…it’s to help you store the painful memory in the right “mental file,” so it doesn’t keep exploding into the present and disrupting your movement through grief. Emerging research continues to refine EMDR for bereavement.

EMDR won’t erase your grief and it’s not meant to. But it can help release the chokehold of traumatic memories, giving you room to remember without reliving. It can allow you to bring your grief from a soul-shattering place (although, that might come up every once in a while) to a place where you can remember your friend with the love and care you had for her when she was alive with a little less heaviness. 

Have a question for Hope? DM us or contact us here. If you need other grief resources click here.