Dear Hope: Dear Hope, How do I survive the death of my best friend?
Dear Hope, How do I survive the death of my best friend? I feel like half of me is missing.
The death of a best friend is unlike any other death. It’s completely disorienting. It’s the ripping away of the person who held your secrets and your unfiltered self. When a best friend dies, it can feel like the world has tilted off its axis, leaving you searching for solid ground.
Why Losing a Best Friend Cuts So Deep
A best friend isn’t “just” a friend. They’re often closer than family, woven into your daily rituals in ways you don’t even notice until they’re gone. They’re the person you text without thinking, they know your history without explanation, and they made the unbearable bearable.
When they die, and it’s unbearable, where do you turn? You might still pick up your phone to tell them something funny. You might wait for their voice to cut through your loneliness. The reality can feel impossible to accept.
Grief That Feels Like A Part of You Has Been Taken Away
The death of a best friend feels like an amputation. Part of you has been cut away, and you’re left trying to learn how to walk again. Everyday moments like inside jokes, favorite songs, places you shared become shrouded in grief.
And unlike other types of death, society often underestimates this one. Sometimes, people expect you to “move on” quickly, as though a best friend is somehow replaceable. But you know better, they were your person, and losing them changes everything.
How to “Survive” the Death of a Best Friend
There’s no easy map for grief. But there are ways to move through the unbearable:
Let yourself break. Don’t rush to be “okay.”
Keep their memory alive. Tell the stories and laugh at the jokes only the two of you understood.
Find safe spaces. Seek people who understand grief’s weight, friends, support groups, or a counselor.
Give time its place. Your grief will never truly go away. You’ll always miss them, just in different ways.
Carrying Them Forward
Your best friend’s death doesn’t end the bond you share. Your relationship with them has changed, but they are still a part of you. It’s not about letting go of them, it’s about making space for grief while still building a life that honors them. It’s about continuing forward while still carrying them because they shaped you and that doesn’t end with death.
Grief doesn’t come with a map, but you don’t have to walk through it alone. I’m Laura Walton, LMFT and Founder of Grief on Purpose. I've created courses, resource bundles, and journals designed to give you tools, companionship, and a place to begin again. Whether you’re navigating the death of someone you love, carrying the weight of trauma, or simply looking for a gentle guide back to yourself, I'd be honored to help you.
